Published in Odyssey Magazine: June/July 2009

Our inner dialogue relives the past or imagines the future. Natalia Baker explores the value of being present, staying with what is and tracking uncomfortable feelings through to their source, so they can be released and we can be free. As a wise man said “Our suffering is caused by running away from suffering”.

It struck me that we are a society obsessed with “becoming”. We desire to become more loving, pure, abundant, rich, thin, confident, light, serve more, and a most worthy wish: to be liberated and ascend! Add yours to the list! It seemed to me we choose a particular path from the level of soul but we do everything in our power to change it because we feel that will make us happier and more successful.

These desires put a wedge, on the one hand, between our endless efforts to become something we are not and, on the other, the truth of what is going on within us. They take us away from our centre, the alignment with our soul, and literally drain and suck our energy.

The journey towards becoming “more” has never been fuelled or supported by resisting, ignoring or denying our subtle and sometimes challenging inner life  filled with a constant flow of tenuous, persistent and occasionally powerful emotions and feelings. On the contrary, our progress has been accelerated by diving into these inner signals and investigating their exact source. We can, after all, only stay with what is of we know what's going on.

Let me give you an example. Let's say you have not yet found your voice and cannot always say what you think and feel. In other words you are not always able to speak your truth. If you do not stay with what is, you will tend to gloss over that uncomfortable, repressed feeling signalling that all is not well. If you are intent on becoming a more loving person you may feel that to express your truth would be unloving, hurtful and even lead to calamity! You may be ignoring the fact that you cannot say what you would really like because you are filled with fear of the consequences. The day comes when you decide to investigate deeper and you hit on several issues: fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, of abandonment, of being unloved or unloving, being alone. Yet all these are merely symptoms of something deeper. So you delve further and suddenly you see yourself as a child being severely reprimanded by a father for saying something that he either didn't agree with or because he wanted to shut you up. You feel humiliated, belittled, embarrassed and disempowered but in this moment of realization you have touched into the cause of your fear, far deeper than effects or symptoms. In the future, when you wish to speak your truth, the fear may still be there but because you know its source you will not be controlled by it and in time it will dissipate.

To stay with what is requires not only the commitment to remain connected to your inner being by listening inwards, assessing how you are feeling and intuiting at any moment, but being in complete congruence and integrity. I am not referring to someone who stays irritable or miserable for decades and moans that they “are just staying with what is”. I am talking about a real engagement with the process of clearing and healing the self.

When this inner connection is developed and becomes strong and resilient you can hold it increasingly in many different situations and circumstances. You find that by simply acknowledging what is going on within you means it does not have to be acted out in the outer world. For instance, if you once access the source of your anger or lack of confidence (or whatever) although you may feel it, you will be able to recognise it within yourself but not have to live it “out there”.

In the moment the familiar feeling comes up you will identify it but be able to choose a constructive attitude and response which does not diminish you and  you remain empowered and centred.

One of the themes we have all lived with for decades is that of self-acceptance.  Staying with what is takes us deeply into new levels of this vital theme leading to  a true love of self and therefore others, and ultimately all that is.

I was recently on a course in which a young man expressed discontent and self-criticism. He explained he had a habit of having expectations of people he met and liked. When those expectations were not met he became judgmental and critical, disappointed, let-down but felt “bad” about his reaction. The teacher looked at him for a moment and said “Well, just be bad then.” We all laughed but I realised that he was giving a profound teaching. He was saying to him “Accept yourself, accept yourself just as you are. Accept what is. Stop wasting your energy in trying to be something else”. In a couple of days this man was in a deep state of joy and bliss. He had done what the teacher suggested and released the energies locked up in his resistance and self-judgment. To accept what is leads to peace, joy and happiness.

If we are to move into higher consciousness, as is the promise of this time, it is helpful to recognise the imprisoning conditioning we experience from past, outdated and outmoded belief patterns. These are primarily from our parents, religions and society generally, but they can also be gender, social class and so on. I am not referring to universal principles such as love, compassion, authentic power and truth amongst many, but behavioural programming such as “Be good or Jesus won't love you”, “Control your anger” and the expectations put on us of pre-determined educational, religious and professional routes our lives were expected to take.

Unfortunately suppression of our natural, spontaneous expression leads to much thought, an over-active preoccupation of mind. When we are truly connected to what is, there is nothing to think about. Our thoughts even use spiritual teaching to avoid the truth, simply because it appears to be intelligent and wise. For instance, I sometimes encounter well-read participants on my courses. They can be opinionated and speak eloquently, all about spirituality of course! The problem is they cannot be in the moment because their mind never stops and if they are presented with a process which engages feelings, they look at me as though I am the one who has lost it!

As soon as you state what is, thinking stops. Added to this, not being in inner truth leads to justification, projections, dissatisfaction, compromise, resignation, loss of integration and authentic power. It also leads to a break in our creativity and natural intelligence, even obsessions and addictions. It  makes us selfish and self-obsessed. There is a huge difference between being self-centred and selfish. Selfishness comes from an inner wounding. To be self-centred in a spiritual way speaks of an alignment with soul and spirit.

If we are not in attunement with our inner self and what truly is, then we cannot advance or listen to the wisdom and guidance of our intuition. As we stay with what is, our inner “stories” empty themselves out automatically. We can observe our inner needs, perhaps for love, recognition, and approval and our childhood patterns and then go beyond them.

Working with this idea of staying with what is has been a revelation for me. It has enabled me to go more and more deeply into the influences of my childhood, and see clearly the patterns of deprivation, control, suppression, loss. Of course there were wonderful patterns too but I am referring to what requires healing. As I recognise and sense these energetically, they are losing their power over me. I merely observe them passively and patiently as they surface and they are gradually losing their influence over me.

The idea that we have a movie inside us with many characters really appeals to me. We can be the courageous hero, the vulnerable victim, joyful jester, wise master, selfless giver, greedy guts, controller, judge, workaholic and much else. We interfere with the movie because we do not allow the characters to be themselves. If we allowed each character to play their role but we were aware of them, consciously experiencing them, they would be in the inner world and only be expressed in the outer world through conscious choice. Then we would be masters of ourselves.

I am fully aware as I write this of the dichotomy of, on one side the striving to make oneself the best one can be, to become successful and abundant and on the other hand to stay with what is. You may be asking the questions “But will I shift if I stay with what is? Won't I be stuck? Will I ever release my deeply ingrained patterns that seem to be holding me back and causing so much angst and pain?” To stay with what is and have the courage to find the source of any inner disturbance is deep healing and a path to freedom.

Our whole process in becoming and living our full potential (and may I add, after 1000's of years of wandering around in the shadows), is that we are bringing what is unconscious to the conscious. It is only in the conscious when we touch the cause of our patterns and understand them that we can we let go and heal. This process can be facilitated by a good psychologist, workshops, journaling with intention, healing modalities such as Body Talk or Family Constellations and many others and these can be helpful when we are feeling stuck and need support.

In the practice of staying with what is, I am referring to a fine level of being in touch with oneself. We have been told again and again that all we need is within us. As we go deeply within and unlock memories and experiences that have been unconsciously restricting us, we realize their hold, release them and liberate ourselves. It requires courage, honesty, persistence and commitment. As a wise man said “Our only suffering is caused by running away from suffering”. We have habituated patterns of escaping suffering only causing ourselves deeper grief in the long term.

I have come to the conclusion that our continual thinking is a sign that we are simply not dealing with what is going on within us. As we experience our inner being, the thoughts still and we can truly access enlightened states.

All our “head stuff”, our notions, concepts, opinions, views, projections, even knowledge, take charge of our lives. They are like entities which suck our life energy. When we stay with what is all our energy is available and flowing. There is nothing to run away from and nothing is required to reinforce us. We no longer have to think about how to be, we let go anxiety and fear and the images of “I'm good”, “I'm helpful”, “I'm attractive”, because we will be and act appropriately, in the flow.  We are at last at peace.