Published in Odyssey Magazine: August / September 2008

Natalia Baker recently attended a course at the Oneness University, Chennai which, amongst other topics, explored why we suffer and how to release this suffering. She also explores here the value of pain and the difference between pain and suffering.

Over a year ago I read a thought-provoking book called The End of Suffering*, reviewed it for a television program and promptly forgot about it. Some of the work covered on a course at Oneness University, Chennai in India also addressed this topic and recently this theme has hounded me and it feels like the universe is prodding me into exploring it further so I share these thoughts with you.

Let's be clear to start with. Pain is part of the human condition. We cannot avoid pain, sometimes almost unbearable pain from hopeless poverty, the grief at the loss of a loved one, the difficulties brought about by injury or illness or the deep pain of someone leaving us.

I have been in the presence of an enlightened being who has felt the pain of another so deeply, he wept. I have wondered how it is to be in the expanded state of consciousness whereby you can feel the pain of humanity: the neglected or abused children, addiction, cruelty or disregard for nature and animals and so on. This pain is the inevitable consequence of having the capacity to feel, of being human.

It is worth considering that pain is one of our greatest gifts. This may sound negative and pain is always a challenge but it alerts us to inner work to be done on healing, releasing or balancing. It informs us we are fully human and able to experience the fullest range of human expression from the depths of sorrow to the heights of joy.

Suffering is pain indeed, but it is the pain that has no understanding of itself, its source, its consequences. Suffering happens when a person has little sense of self, no ability to let go and surrender to what is and no trust in the unfolding of their destiny. In short, they become deeply attached to the events of their lives and their history. They are not capable of seeing them either as opportunity for growth or as part of a greater plan.

Out of the blue one day I was approached by a man I hardly knew who asked me to speak to his wife. She shared with me she had been raped and it had happened a couple of years ago. Despite healing and counseling she could not move on from the shock of the experience. I could sense the trauma resonating in every part of her: her body, her speech, thoughts feelings and spirit. She was distrusting and depressed. We spoke at length and parted with much love, as two women can.  Next morning I woke with the thought that I must write to her. As I often feel these early morning messages are from some higher aspect of myself or spirit, I set to immediately.

The main point of the letter was to explain to her that the rape is not her identity. Her identity is a soul, a Self, for I had observed a beautiful, attractive, intelligent, dynamic, passionate and loving woman.  When she can truly integrate this she will end her suffering and the rape will be an experience which will give her great compassion and understanding for others. Please understand me here. The healing and counseling is essential after such an event but she was suffering deeply because of her attachment to the incident. It was absorbing her and influencing every aspect of her life.  Incidentally, when she understood this she moved on.

There are many of us – indeed I was one for many years - who carry a lump of pain in their hearts. It results in joylessness, loss of energy, disillusionment with life, low self-esteem and lack of deserving. Could it be too great an attachment to our stories, our history, always focused on the past and perhaps even wanting to defend our own suffering state?

There is another way. A dearly loved and wise friend had deep heartache for the break up of an important relationship. She recognized the pain of parting was sitting in heart and her emotional body and they needed time to heal. She was in intense pain but she was not suffering because she knew and understood what was happening to her.

I acknowledge it is all very well and easy to say “Let go your suffering” but it seems that certain things need to be in place before this can happen.

A wise man depicted it like this: if we are in victim consciousness, referred to as the Why Me syndrome, we cannot let go suffering. We complain, question our value, escape by rationalizing, project, condemn ourselves or another and are in a constant state of confusion. This is a serious state of dysfunction because the ego is fully empowered and we live lives of stagnation. The majority of humans are in this state.

As we learn responsibility and realize that actions have consequence, we move on from here. The next stage is when we become focused on outcomes and we land in the “What If” state. This an important step in our advancement but we give over the hopelessness and entrapment of the first phase to worrying: What if this does or does not happen? What if I am let down? What if I get stuck? Regress? Lose my way? We are faced with the issue of trust. Success comes with the cry “O my God, can this be true? What now? Can I handle this? This stage is more difficult that the first because we are more conscious. The less we know the less we have to worry about. Now we understand why ignorance is bliss!

We are still suffering. Why? Because we have to get to the final stage where we live in complete trust that the flow of life is for ultimate good and advancement and every event is part of our soul contract. Outcomes no longer worry us. We have learnt to keep our hearts open, give and receive in balance, serve and stay anchored in the present moment.

When we live like this we recognize that suffering is running away from pain. An old adage applies here: “Resistance leads to persistence”. The key is to stay with what is, for then, in time, it can convert into our natural state which is love and joy, loving spontaneously and naturally from the essential Self. Have you noticed how when you really, really live into your pain, feeling every bit of pressure, ache, needle and knife wound, it starts to dissolve?  Try it. It works. Watch closely and you will feel it disintegrate.

Maybe you have to do this many times. Obviously some pain is easier to move through than the deep pain of loss or what we might perceive as personal rejection. Observe your thoughts for they feed the pain. As soon as you start to rationalize or your thoughts get hooked in, go back to experiencing the pain. It becomes a skill, almost an art form!

I was blessed to be with the dasas (monks) at Oneness University because they had truly integrated this practice and shone with light, joy, peace and were always laughing and having fun. One evening, after a deep meditation, a Taiwanese woman was literally shrieking with pain, her body was wracked with sobs and wails. It was a bit like I imagine the real Greek tragedy to be! The dasas completely ignored her. They could be deeply compassionate but it seemed that they were just allowing her to feel her feelings, knowing that then she would move through them. I intuitively felt she was crying the tears of her wounded inner child.

Experiencing the pain even applies to those long-standing woundings of childhood. The adult in us can understand fully how we have been affected by abandonment, rejection, early loss of a parent and so on but the child within can still feel the charge. As you know, understanding is only the first step. Unless the pain is processed in some way it ends up as discomfort, dis-ease and ultimately disease.

Some years ago, I was walking on Table Mountain with a strong, brave, intelligent man of about 65 who was pouring out the pain of his childhood. I will not tell you details but it was excruciating. He started to weep. It was possibly for the first time in his life he allowed himself to feel and express these emotions. He had always understood the impact of the events but never processed the feeling. After a while, and for no rational reason, I gently said “You could go to someone to get this healed”. He immediately clamped up. I could literally see him swallowing the pain as he said ‘No, I can control this”. Because he did not experience it, it is still today locked in his emotional and physical bodies. As I write this, I again acknowledge a missed opportunity with a huge sense of remorse. Perhaps it is time to let that go too!

Many are stuck with suffering for fear that if they experienced the pain it will overwhelm them and they will no longer be able to cope with daily lives. They have no idea how liberating and joyful it is to be free of suffering. I loved the story of the man who thinks he is being chased by a tiger, climbs a tree and hangs there all night. In the first light of dawn he sees there is no tiger and the ground is only a few centimeters below him. Hanging from the tree is causing the pain (ouch!) and if he had fallen to the ground earlier all would have been well.

2,500 years ago Buddha taught that human suffering, both individually and collectively, arises from one fundament flaw: the way we use our minds. His teaching illustrated that the egocentric patterns of our minds are the origin of all our pathologies and problems. To our attachment to outcomes, he added judgment of others, which distorts how we shape ourselves, our world and consequently our lives.

Today we have choice. We can break these habits of behavior and align ourselves through the heart and our souls, our Self and so with others and All that Is in love and harmony.  We are, after all, ascending in consciousness through understanding and experiencing feelings and energies within and without us. It is the faculty of a multi-dimensional, new energy human. Without this faculty we cannot become who we are meant to be. Our feelings are our guide and our discernment sensor.

Remember our soul contracts to be here at this time. They stipulate we are to pass through our suffering and to hold the flames of love, joy, abundance and peace. We are moving through intense times but nothing happens within or without us, except to the extent we give personal meaning to it. In philosophy and spiritual truth and grounded in the evidence of scientific research, love is all there is and love is who we are. It is time to end suffering.

* The End of Suffering: Fearless Living in Troubled Times or How to get out of Hell Free! By Russell Targ and J. J. Hurtak